guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vagina is very pro this idea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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