I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize