I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
