just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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