WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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