I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
