So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
