so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
