u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Someone came in the potted fern
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
