fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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