it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
