He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
