Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
