Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize