The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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