i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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