Sponge bath it is.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
