We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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