the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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