how can u be prego again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
