Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize