I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
