We need to rekindle our bromance
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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