He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
