Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
