You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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