I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
