Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
