in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
