so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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