I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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