meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
