Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
