Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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