Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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