theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
