True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
