Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
