Will you blow on my dice?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
