so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
