she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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