soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
