i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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