I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
