you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
