Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
