wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
