and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
