How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
