you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
