He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
