She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
