your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize