im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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