Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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