I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize