Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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