ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
