We named our party play list daddy issues
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
