There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
