so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
