I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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