my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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