Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mom said you looked used
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
