god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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