my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
