Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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