she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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