we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
