I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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