fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
