i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
