Dual....:-)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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