She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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