I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
