I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
