I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
