I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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