I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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