She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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