I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize