Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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