For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
