It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
