I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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