wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
