So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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