I have demons in me.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the raccoons are back...
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