You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
