Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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