it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize