this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
