we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
