i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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