Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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