becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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