a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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