Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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