I puked a lego.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
