I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
